A Bedside Chat
by Niamara
Summary: Lily likes to keep her feelings to herself, wanting to be strong, but when she finally lets down her barriers, will she regret it, or will she be happy? LJ oneshot.


Disclaimer: If I really owned Harry Potter wouldn't I be writing the seventh book now? memory kicks in Oh, erm, well…about that…leaves suddenly :p I really only own the plot. Haha…only own…heehee. Punny.

_A Beside Chat_

Lily's eyelids felt pleasantly heavy, much as they do after one of Hogwarts' feasts. Lily wanted to sleep longer, though she knew she must wake for classes soon. _Five more minutes …_she reasoned with her conscience. She was just about to roll over onto her side when she was jolted completely awake by panic. When she had tried to turn onto her side she felt a searing pain in her ribs. Lily put a hand to her left side and she realized with horror that she had on bandages, as though she was cut …

Lily's mind went into overdrive. _Why am I hurt? What happened last night?_ She was trying her best to remember the events of the previous night, when another thought found its way into her head. _This isn't my bed. _Now Lily was really panicking. She snapped open her eyes and was somewhat relieved to find her in the Hospital Wing. _At least I'm still at Hogwarts_, she thought.

Lily's bright green eyes travelled over the contents of her bed-side table, which included many sweets and 'Get Well Soon' cards from her friends, as well as a bottle of blood-replenishing potion. Her eyes glanced over these and were soon brought to rest on the boy who was sitting in a chair beside her bed, his head lolled sideways onto his shoulder. Lily knew at once who he was, but could not fathom as to why he was there, beside her bed.

_What the hell is Potter doing here?_ she thought. _Shouldn't he be in classes …_ Lily sat up as quick as lightning but regretted it at once. The pain in her side throbbed almost unbearably; tears streamed down her beautiful, porcelain face as she moved both her hands to try and dull the pain. It seemed that every time her body shook with sobs the pain came back with renewed vigour.

Lily had no idea that James had woke, for when the pain seared stronger than ever she clamped her eyes shut tight and willed the pain to go away as the tears streamed mercilessly down her face. James straightened his glasses and moved silently up in his chair into a more comfortable position, but Lily didn't show any signs that acknowledged his awakened state. James looked over at Lily, who was crying silently on the bed. It took most of James' will not to go to her, to hold her and stroke her hair, and cry with her. He knew how she must have been feeling. After all, he had lost his parents not long ago too …

James had locked himself in his dorm for a week and he had refused to talk to anyone for almost the entire first day. He received the news with the morning owls, and had promptly sprinted from the Great Hall, tears already streaming down his handsome face. Remus and Sirius had left him alone, knowing he needed time to think everything. It wasn't until Sirius and Remus walked into the dorm around 8 o'clock the same night with tears glistening in their eyes that he started talking to the rest of the Marauders again. James knew that they had been informed about what had happened and that they felt the same way that he did. They had both spent a good deal of the holidays, starting from the summer after their first year, at the Potter Mansion, and had grown to love Mr. and Mrs. Potter. James refused to eat for another three days, and then eventually the next week started attending classes again. He still sometimes had nightmares about how it could have happened, and vowed to avenge their deaths by becoming an Auror and hunting down Lord Voldemort …

James felt like his heart had ripped in two and had been stomped on repeatedly, just like it had when his parents had died. It tore him up inside to see the love of his life so hurt. Although he wanted to help Lily more than anything else, he knew that he should wait until she calmed down.

James wait one minute … five minutes … ten … twenty … Lily had fallen asleep again; she cried herself to sleep. James didn't intend on going to sleep. What if Lily woke up and started to panic again? However, this proved much more difficult than he thought, and he drifted off to sleep with, _Just a little nap_ floating through his mind.

Lily woke up a few hours later to a quiet castle. She glanced towards the only window in the Hospital Wing; the sun was shining with vitality through the glass. The lessons for the day were still in full swing.

Lily lay on her bed, trying to think about what they may be learning in the class she would be in now, but she honestly had no idea – she could only hope that it wasn't extremely important.

Lily chanced a glance in James' direction, only to see that he was sleeping. _He actually looks cute when he's asleep_, Lily thought, and then her eyes widened. _Wait, what? Did I just think that Potter was cute? Urgh! No Way!_

_**You know, sweety, you shouldn't be so mean to him anymore.**_

_I'm not mean to him! _Lily thought angrily. _He deserves it! Who are you anyway?_

_**I'm your conscience, dearie.**_

_Bugger off. I don't need your opinion on Potter. I know he's an arrogant, bullying – _

**_Funny, smart, kind young man, who happens to love you, and stick up for you?_** Lily could have worn she heard her conscience smirk.

_NO! He's not funny, kind, or smart! And he doesn't love me! And I can stick up for myself thank you very much. I don't need Potter to do it for me._

_**Actually, I find him quite the charmer. And he does so love you! Don't you see how he doesn't stop staring at you during classes? How he always sticks up for you when Snape comes round? How he gets so uptight and offended when someone calls you a Mudblood? Iit's as if they called him one…how he – **_

_Ok, ok, I get it! He likes me! Geez. Will you bugger off now?_

_**No, I won't.**_

_Why not? Haven't you served your purpose? I admit that Potter likes me, happy?_

**_No, I'm not happy yet, but as your conscience I can't leave you, can I? I'm part of you. Merlin Lily you're supposed to be smart._** Lily could have sworn she heard her conscience smirk again.

_Fine then. Just … um … be quiet. Yes. And leave me alone. I don't need you anymore._

_**Ok dearie. Have it your way then. I'll come back when I see fit.**_

Lily looked over at James. _Just because he likes me doesn't mean I have to like him …_Lily thought. She felt her conscience squirm unpleasantly, and decided that she would judge whether she would give him a chance at friendship or not when he woke up and they talked.

Just as Lily thought that, James stirred at her left. She watched him as he straightened his glasses sleepily, and then pulled himself up in the chair again and straightened his robes – it seemed as though he had slid down slightly while he was taking his 'slight nap'.

James looked up at Lily and noticed that she was awake, and looked surprisingly calm. He shifted his chair closer to her bed. 'Hey Lily,' he said, looking down at her emerald green orbs. 'How are you feeling?' He noticed that she was looking at him, as though she was judging him. Did she think him somehow responsible for last night? He remained a placid exterior even though his insides writhed with horror at the thought.

'Hey Potter,' she replied at last. 'I'm fine.'

'Are you sure? You mean, you don't want to talk about it?' Lily looked at him, confused. Talk about what, her injury? A sudden thought occurred to her.

'Potter, why am I here?' she asked. James looked alarmed. _Does she not remember last night, or is she just playing dumb? _

**_No_**, another voice in his head told him. **_Lily would never play dumb … _**James' insides froze. He looked back at Lily and realized with a shock that she wasn't lying: she obviously didn't remember anything about the previous night. The thought of having to bring Lily back to reality so harshly terrified him. _What if she doesn't believe me? What if she hates me for thinking I'm lying to her? What if she – _

'Potter?' Lily insisted quietly. James looked down at Lily and she saw the pain and sadness in his eyes. She started to panic. _What happened last night? Why am I here?_

James saw the sheer terror in her eyes. _Oh Merlin, I'm supposed to break the bad news to her …_

'Lily? This isn't going to be easy, but you really don't remember anything about last night?' he asked shakily.

'N-no.'

'You don't remember anything abou…' James cleared his throat and continued. '…about a letter?'

A letter…flashes of the night before started flashing before Lily's eyes. Her tawny owl swooping down towards her at dinner…the contents of the letter…sprinting out of the Great Hall…crying in the grounds…the Whomping Willow…blackness…waking up in the Hospital wing…

Lily shut her eyes, tears once again streaming down her face, as she recalled the letter in its entirety.

_Dear Miss Evans,_

_It is our displeasure to inform you that your parents, Mark and Victoria Evans, have been murdered by Lord Voldemort and his followers. A neighbour found the Dark Mark above your house at approximately 9:42 this morning. They immediately called the Police, who found your parents dead in the sitting room. Their memory has been modified by the Aurors who promptly arrived at the scene. We have no word yet on your sister, who was supposed to have been out at the time. _

_We are extremely sorry for your loss._

_St. Mungo's Staff_

'Lily?' James whispered. She had had her eyes shut for a while, tears still slowly leaking out from behind her eyelids.

'Yeah?' she whispered back, not opening her eyes.

'I know how you feel,' he started slowly, 'and…'

'No, I don't think you do, Potter,' Lily said, her voice shaky. 'I don't think you know how much it hurts to think that you're an orphan. I don't think you know how much it hurts to think that your only sister hates you. I don't think you know how much it hurts right here,' at the this Lily put a hand to her heart, tears flowing down her face for the umpteenth time that afternoon, 'to think that you don't have anyone left in this world to go to for help, or advice, or …'

'Actually Lily, I do know that exact feeling,' he said, with a gloomy look plastered on his normally handsome face. 'Well maybe not _exactly_.' He looked back up at Lily's eyes. 'But I do know how it feels to think that I'm an orphan. I don't know how much it hurts to think that my only sister hates me, because I'm an only child, but I do know how it feels to have the one girl I love continually turn me down. However, I don't know how it feels to think that I don't have anyone left to go to. I have Sirius and Remus, the best mates any guy could have. Without them, I really don't know if I'd be here right now…' James didn't need to explain himself; Lily knew he was talking about possibly committing suicide. 'They really helped me through that Lily, and I'm sure your friends would do the same for you.'

'I wouldn't want to give my friends the burden of thinking that they have to take care of me like a baby. That's too much for them. They're already doing NEWTs this year, they don't need another load on their shoulders.'

'Lily, that wouldn't be a burden to anyone. I'm sure your friends wouldn't want to see you sad. They would do anything to make sure you're ok.'

'How can you tell?' Lily asked, in a voice no louder than a whisper. She of course knew that her friends would do anything to help her, but she didn't want their grades to suffer. She didn't want her friends to feel the pain she was going through. She didn't want to give Voldemort the satisfaction that he could tear apart people's lives.

'I can see it,' James shrugged, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

A few more minutes passed before Lily spoke again.

'Pot…um…James?'

'Yeah?' he answered, surprised that she used his first name.

'Do you think everything's going to be ok?' she asked, in a whisper that she thought made her sound like a two-year-old.

'Yeah. Yeah, it will be Lily. Your friends are here for you, and so am I. Everything will be ok,' he looked her in the eye, and she could tell he was being completely sincere.

'James?' Lily asked after a few comfortable minutes in silence.

'Yeah?' he responded automatically.

'You know that was really corny, right?' she asked, grinning from ear to ear.

'Yeah.' He smiled. Not an uncomfortable one, and not a cocky one either, but a true, genuine smile, and it was from that moment that Lily knew that she had to give James a chance, and allow him the secrets on how to win her heart.

* * *

A/N: I was bored and this popped into my head. Tell me what you think. Review!

Niamara


End file.
